Introduction:

“So many of us are kept from eventual consecration because we mistakenly think that, somehow, by letting our will be swallowed up in the will of God, we lose our individuality. What we are really worried about, of course, is not giving up self, but selfish things—like our roles, our time, our preeminence, and our possessions. No wonder we are instructed by the Savior to lose ourselves. He is only asking us to lose the old self in order to find the new self. It is not a question of one’s losing identity but of finding his true identity! Ironically, so many people already lose themselves anyway in their consuming hobbies and preoccupations but with far, far lesser things.”
-Neal A. Maxwell


My story is not unique. It has been relived countless times by women in a hundred different faiths. We live in a world where conceptions of success are largely prescribed for us. We’re taught from the day that we’re born to be smart, athletic, artistic, beautiful and wealthy. While an argument could certainly be made that each of these desirable attributes is necessary for raising children, on a prestige scale, motherhood falls somewhere beneath data entry.

It means that most of us go into it with a sense of pride. We know that the world is wrong to look down on women who choose to be mothers. We know that we are, not only following the Lord, but also engaging in the job that requires more intelligence and skill than any other.

I once listened to a radio program where the host was interviewing a woman who claimed that those women who went to college, and then elected to stay at home wit their children, were a drain on society. She argued that since they did not directly contribute to the gross national product, that the resources of the educational system had been wasted on them. She was debating with an educated mother who pointed out that these women could go back to work after their children were old enough.

The whole debate made me angry. I respected the mother’s attempt to justify her education by arguing that she was able to return to gainful employment, but I thought that both of these women had really missed the point. Nobody addressed the fact that society has an interest in having educated people raising the children. We require that teenagers get a permit so that they can make hamburgers at McDonalds, but we don’t have an interest in having intelligent, educated people caring for children when numerous studies have proven that the care they get during those first critical years will largely determine the kind of people they end up becoming. It simply doesn’t make sense.

I am not advocating that we should require college for someone to become a mother. I am simply showing exactly where the priorities are headed in this country. It is sad that anyone could argue that people who are educated and raising children are wasting that education.

It’s completely understandable that many of us begin our careers in motherhood with a bit of a chip on our shoulders. We know how completely vital the role of a mother is. We know that we could have become big, important career women. We have no doubts about our intelligence and are choosing to become mothers as a matter of empowerment, not because we are not qualified to do anything else.

It’s a beautiful feeling, for a while. For too many of us, the lies that we have had thrown at us time and time again come to the forefront of our minds when we’re scrubbing toilets or cleaning up spills. It feels like our job is less than desirable. It feels like we’ve lost sight of the intelligent women we once were. For some of us, we are watching husbands grow and prosper in school or a career, and we feel, a little, like we’re stagnating.

My heart always knows that I am building an eternal family. My heart never forgets how vital my job is. My heart would never ask for a different life. But that doesn’t keep me from struggling from time to time. A forever family is a very long-term goal. It’s not always easy to see myself coming closer to that when everything I do one day needs to be done again the next.

But I have learned, as have so many women before me, that the way to true joy is through my family. Knowing that doesn’t always make it easier. But I truly believe that along with the physical pain and agony of sin that Christ experienced, he also knows the quiet longing and dissatisfaction that sometimes accompanies day to day life. He knows my heart and he makes me strong. It’s not that I think I necessarily deserve that, but he also knows that my amazing children need and deserve a mother who is always at her best. Together with my husband, he and I are building an eternal family. It’s a long road, but one I do not want to divert from.